Saturday, January 1, 2011

Me, GA, and SC-Part 6: Soul Comfort

Okay--it's New Year's Eve morning and this is the final installment. :)

You'd think I'd remember the date on something as monumental as this, but I don't. I'm sure I have it written down somewhere in my "Angel Books" (small spiral notebooks where I thought on paper to GA about all this stuff--which I definitely am glad I didn't destroy and think I should go back and read now). Anyways, the years I did energy work mostly were from 1993 to 1999 when I moved up here to Fargo-Moorhead--and very infrequently the last two of those years due to the hours I put in at the senior building working two jobs.

I'm guessing this was somewhere in 1995:

The hypnotherapist, Gary, and I had worked out a trade. I was hoping to get more information through hypnosis. Gary did hypnosis sessions with me and then I did some energy work with him.

I found that I could use Healing Touch methods to work my way around the person, but then when I got back to their heads I always felt compelled to stay there. Had this strong need to hold their head in my hands--and even got to where I had a specific placement of my fingers cupping the sides of their head with thumbs near their crown that just felt right. People said they could feel energy coming down their body from their head and many people dozed off--hehe! I had occasionally been feeling more of that zappy energy when I worked on people--that tingly feeling I got coming down into the top of my head and out my hands.

Gary usually scheduled me as his last client so that I could work on him after he did the hypnosis session with me and we had no time constraints. We'd pull his big comfortable hypnosis lounger chair out into the room so that I could make my way around the lounger and eventually sit in a hardback chair behind his head. We had already done this a couple of times previously, so we kind of had a routine.

I'd worked my way around his body, had settled into the chair, and was holding his head as he lay prone in the lounger. Everything was normal, but I remember I did feel more energy in my hands the whole time before I got to his head.

After a couple of minutes something started to happen to me. The tingling sensation washed strongly down over my entire body and I had this feeling more was coming. I remember I kind of sucked in my breath and was actually frightened for a moment. The unknown, you know?! Get ready--GA popped into my head--and I automatically started this rapid mouth/nose breathing thing I'd never done in my life--and felt like I was almost lifted up ram-rod straight in that chair. Open your heart. I quit resisting it at all--handed myself over--trusting GA...and this tremendous force of vibrating energy came down through the top of my head, bolted me to the spot, and quite literally took my breath away.

I couldn't move--my hands, my feet, my body--and I could feel my hands vibrating on the sides of Gary's head. The energy came in waves--down into the top of my head and out my hands. Tears streamed down my face. I don't even know how to describe the experience very well in words. Was like having this pure god-love passing through my body. Total peace, joy, love, forgiveness... Awe--no, there's not a big enough word for how that vibrating energy felt flowing through me.

After about 10 minutes the waves subsided and my hands slowly stopped vibrating. I felt crazy wonderful--like floating with joy! Gary had listened to my sudden panting and how I stopped just as suddenly and felt my hands start to vibrate. He had just kept quiet and let the energy flow through him. Listened to me tell him afterwards what happened to me. Neither of us knew exactly what had happened, but knew it was a good thing. :)

I thought this intense energy occurrence was probably a one-time thing, you know? But then later on it happened again when I was working on somebody else! And then again. I asked the ladies in the Women's Group, but none of them had heard of anything like it.

[Aside: The women asked me to see if it might happen with one of them at one of our meetings. To my surprise--it happened. Jill, the really visual one who did long-distance healing on Dagan, said she saw this huge pillar of white light come down from above me that enveloped my entire body and also the person I was working on!?]

The intense vibrating energy would happen randomly and very infrequently. Never happened with the same person twice. I had no control over who or when. If I tried to force it to happen--the energy actually dropped. Like GA indicated in the first place--I had to get out of the way. My ego cannot be involved--at all--like in a crisis. That energy passes through me--like a super straw--but it's none of my business, you know? It is not mine to control or direct. True--who am I to think I could know what a particular soul needs? Just like with the people on the bummers--and how I trusted that I would be guided. Not my doing. Faith. (Honestly--I would probably screw it up if my head consciously got involved--ROFL!)

GA gave me a kind of image one time of there being layers and layers of energy--from deep inside a person's body and spreading outward--very far, actually. A person may have physical, intellectual, or emotional issues--but all those obstacles or wounds or blockages or whatever you want to call them--they are all chosen to be carried by that soul--sometimes for many lifetimes. They can choose to learn, accept, and release them, too. Free will. And since we don't know what particular soul lesson is being learned, we don't know what obstacles that individual needs to learn to overcome. Or when divine elimination of an obstacle may be the very source of knowledge for that particular soul. (God can do anything.)

This gift of free will is a double-edged sword. We can be our own worst enemy. When we don't have to be. We can choose to cling to our particular dark spots or obstacles and carry them with us. When, in fact, each of us is a shining, pure, vibrational note of soul energy. One unique note in God's orchestral symphony.

This godforce energy felt too--well--holy for me to be calling it "bunny stuff" anymore. Good grief! That was like making light of something that felt so precious, you know? It was actually GA who gave me the term "soul comfort" to describe it. Perfect!

Well, looking back, I would probably guess that what I came to call the "full blown soul comfort" only happened maybe a dozen times altogether. The last time was a while before I moved up here in 1999.

[Aside: I bought my very first computer in 1998. When I was supposed to pick a screen name--and back then they told people not to use their own names--just to be clear on this, it was GA who wanted me to use soulcomfort. That just seemed sooo arrogant and was extremely uncomfortable to me. I couldn't decide on another name--kind of argued in my head, like we do, over this for a day or two. (I only had a couple hours a day online available to me back then-on call and only one phone line.) What GA does--he just keeps popping something into my head--over and over and over. Very annoying when you are trying to work. I finally relented. (Figured I could change it later, but get him off my case--hehe!) Turned out--over the years--I have grown comfortable with it. But now that I have told you all this story--maybe not so much anymore.]

Well, all of this long tale was actually leading somewhere. GA gave me new "information" mid-December. I am supposed to learn how to do the full blown Soul Comfort here--by myself. Just send it outward.

Say what?! (He's been really quiet for the better part of a decade! Then, out of the clear blue sky he hits me with this!?)

It's for you, too--he tells me.

That struck to the very heart of one of my major core issues. Not feeling worthy. Makes me cry to even talk about this. I've been getting from GA that, for it to work the very best way, I have to include the straw itself--allowing and absorbing that energy, too.

I have been wrestling with this for the last two weeks. Feels like a lifetime ago that I was doing energy work--over 11 years now. Truth--GA wanted me to write about all of this for all these days and be done by today--New Year's Eve. I got that loud and clear after Dagan and Leah and I had Sacred Circle on the 21st. Probably because I needed to let this sink in and I told Daganand Leah I planned to start trying to learn how to do this at my usual New Year's Eve ceremony I'd be doing by myself. (Can check other years on my blog.)

As I told you--it is shocking how well I have been physically doing despite sitting at the computer all these hours--for all these days! (Maybe I am already accepting some of that energy??) And I know one big reason why he wanted me to write about this. When I write--I kind of go back there, you know? The writing has turned out to be almost like spiritual prep time--ROFL!

I'm sure I'll have more to say along the line, but now you are all caught up. 2011 is the year for Soul Comfort. Since it took me a long time (1-2 years?) to build up to being able to handle the intensity of that energy before, I am not expecting to reach that point for quite a while--but I will tell you all about it if and when it happens. :):)

Tonight: I will gather up all my crystals and such, like I always do. Since we just had Sacred Circle and did the angel cards and burning bowl--I think I will just write in my brand new spiritual journal. And then I am going to light a candle, turn on my Music To Disappear In CD (yes, I have it on CD now--wore out a couple cassettes--hehe!), sit quietly, and hand myself over.

Wish me luck! :)

Happy, happy, happy new year!!!

Me, GA, and SC-Part 5: Energy Work

Let's start out with a little giggle this morning. Truth be told--this is who I've been sleeping with for the past 17 years.
The "bunny stuff" bunny. He doesn't look too much the worse for wear for sleeping cuddled under my chin lo these many years. He had a big red ribbon around his neck when he was new but that got in the way and was removed posthaste. Oddly, he has no name. I, who name sooo many inanimate objects, have always just called him "the bunny stuff bunny". He's been fine with that. :)
Okay--practicing on people.
I really didn't know what to do. Kept "getting" to think about mother's and babies--and how mother's send energy to their babies without even knowing it. A love energy. How I knew to keep people who were upset (myself included) away from Dagan when he was an infant in the neo-natal unit--to surround him with positive energy. People send energy without knowing it--all the time--positive, negative, neutral.
Well, all I could think of was to sit across from somebody--either cross-legged on the floor or seated in chairs--and hold hands. (I felt like I wanted to put my hands on people's heads, but that seemed a bit forward for a Minnesotan, ya know.) We'd try to send energy and see if we could feel anything. Naturally I started with very close friends, Dagan, and the man I was still living with at the time. We'd put on Music To Disappear In and sit quietly holding hands. Some people said they could feel a little something. Sometimes I could feel a little of that tingling down my arms like I got when I was zapped. Nothing too exciting or definite, to be perfectly honest. But it was pleasant and meditative.
Found that if I stood up and the person was in the chair--then I felt more of that tingling sensation. Seemed more "right" for some reason. I was kind of surprised that people volunteered (I've always been a talker) from the pet shop where I worked and there were a few other people--relatives or friends of people I had done "bunny stuff" with. I started hearing about "energy work", of course. You know how when you move in a new direction, suddenly you hear what you need to hear? People would tell me that the "bunny stuff" must be energy work.
To be honest, trying to remember back--well, I'm not sure about the order of things with the energy work. There was so much else going on in my life at the time, too. My relationship ended, I tried to stay in a place that was too expensive for me (we had a lease), I got my fingers in that pressure roller at the factory (crushed the bones in two fingertips and tore the fleshy part of the one almost off), moved to a cheaper apartment in Osseo, the muscles shredded in my wrist from compensating for the finger accident about a year or so later (lack of grip and had to lift 100 pound+ rolls of paper), eventually they let me go from my job (after they re-injured my wrist 4 times-no union-either I did what they said or I'd be fired with no workman's comp-didn't care that the doctors said I couldn't do the work-sent me to different ones till I got one who said it was all in my head, etc), had to file bankruptcy, Dagancollapsed at the driving range (heart failure-had surgery to save his life-but invalid-wheelchair-could barely walk), I was supposed to be looking for work (Workman's comp was threatening to cut me off), but Dagan needed 24 hour care, experimental surgery at University of Minnesota, Dagan made it back to college up here in Moorhead, and I was suddenly offered a position (off the record by my comp job lady, because it had no pay) as a live-in emergency response person in an elderly complex (didn't have to lift anybody because not allowed to for insurance reasons). Makes me tired just to write all that down--hehe!
Anyways, during all these life happenings (a couple of years worth)...there was lots of energy stuff going on, too. I remember using visualization on my torn finger-imagining it looking like the other hand (it does and has feeling, too!). They made me wrap it and go clean and scrap machines since I couldn't run mine one-handed--and got a raging infection from it being wrapped in plastic and being around 100 or so degrees by the glue machines. Medications weren't helping-doctor was talking about having to cut it open again and drain it (awwwkk!)--so I tried to think about kind of imagining it draining (and it went down). And I used a kind of meditation to deal with the pain level.
When the factory folk were trying to force me to leave the job (so they wouldn't have to pay me unemployment, either)--they had re-injured me so many times that my whole arm was really bad up to my arm pit and in a sling so they finally quit trying to force me to use my bad arm. BUT--they still made me come to work and made everybody else do my work for me. *sigh* All I could do was turn my machine off and on--other rewinders had to come and do all the physical work (90% of the job) and yet they were counting my output as a worker--so this effected our shift's bonuses! I worked the night shift. We used to illegally play radios on the night shift. They knew this and ignored it. But suddenly they actually had office people pop in during the night to make sure we weren't listening to the radio--or doing any of the other things we did for the ten minutes while our rolls were finally rewinding. So-no music, no reading, and no writing letters (me, of course). So all of us were punished on the whole shift because of me. I felt just horrible about it. Luckily people liked me. They knew I wasn't faking anything and that I'd be on the street if I had no job and the company was just trying to get out of paying me anything. What a wonderful group of people!!
Anyways- *deep breath*-what better opportunity to learn how to meditate and be in the present moment. I had all night, every shift, for over three monthsbefore they finally relented and let me go. Thanks to them, tho, I learned a lot of things about energy and meditation, mind over matter, focus, sending positive energy (to all those wonderful people!)...lots of things.
Along the line over those couple of years I took levels one and two in Reiki. I was searching for some kind of actual energy work that felt right for me. Reikididn't. Becoming a "master" was a long, very expensive, secretive process. I believed that positive energy was something that should be open and shared--shouted from the rooftops, actually. :)
My friend, Lynnette, found out about a Healing Touch seminar. She's a nurse and this was one of the things she could attend for recertification. We went together. Healing Touch was awesome! It's an umbrella term for several modalities and they talked about how everyone can learn this and sharing the knowledge, etc. Ahhh! I attended all the classes for Level One and for Level Two at St. Catherine's college. (Finished Level Two certification while I lived at the senior complex.)
Oh--and I went to classes called "Talk To Your Angels" (how could I resist!) and the lady running the class invited me to a Woman's Spiritual Group that rotated meeting at the women's homes. I felt totally out of my comfort zone, but I went. And I met these wonderful ladies! Some of them were energy workers, psychics, long distance healers, etc. Some were visual, audio,kinesthetic (learned a lot of new terms and of books to read). Had no idea why I was invited, but I was thrilled to be there. They disbanded years ago and I moved away from Minneapolis, but I still miss that group of women.
When Dagan ended up an invalid for those months after his surgery at Children's--well, one of the things was that he'd had a blood clot land in a lung (thank God-watched him having a stroke as it passed through his brain). Couldn't dissolve it--even with a tube into his lung dripping directly onto the clot. They said he had permanent lung damage to the bottom third of his lung. Plus, when he sat upright he lost blood pressure and oxygen because he's always had a tendency in that direction and the pressure had been so high in his heart when they did the Fontan re-do after he collapsed in heart failure that they had to put a hole between the top two chambers.
The experimental surgery at the University of Minnesota was to go in via acatherization procedure (wire up the groin into the heart) and attempt to close the hole. They'd release a patch on one side of the hole and then a patch on the other side. (Commonly done now and called something else.) But they weren't hopeful about the pressure in his heart because it had always been on the high side to begin with and there were no guarantees that they could leave the patch in. They'd have to try it and wait and see about the pressure and remove it right away if it was too high. The new procedure was called "angel wings". Need I say more. Dagan and I both thought he should go for it. :):)
Meanwhile--the ladies in the Woman's Spiritual Group told me that had been doing long-distance healing on Dagan. Several of them had come over when he was still in Children's and we did a healing energy circle standing around his bed. The one lady, Jill, had been working on him a lot on her own, too, over those months and she told me he was better and that his lung was healed. Well, when Dagan went for the Angel Wings surgery they were shocked to find out the pressure in his heart was suddenly lower than it had ever been since he was born! So they were able to "install" his heart angel wings--hehe! And they thought as long as they were in there they took a camera down to look at the lung damage--"don't know what they were talking about at Children's, we couldn't find any damage in either lung." (Jill always said she could "see" into people's bodies when she was doing long distance work on them. Totally, totally believed her after that!!)
Just writing about all of this makes me feel like dancing! :):)
I was told about a Unity Church and a Lake Harriet Community Church in Minneapolis--that they both had people there who did energy work. I had to go check that out! Ended up volunteering at both churches doing Healing Touch. At Unity they worked on people while they sat in a chair. At Lake Harriet they had rooms with massage tables! I volunteered mostly at Lake Harriet. I could bring my boom box and MTDI cassette, a candle, and have a little privacy and quiet. Was wonderful! People tended to fall asleep on me--hehe!
That's it for today. I'm still on schedule, I think. One more part left and you should be basically all filled in. TaDa!
I just wanted to say that if anyone wants to talk to me privately or ask me questions or tell me their own stories...please feel free to email me. Just put something in the subject line so I know you're not spam--hehe! (soulcomfortat gmail dot com) I may be very open about myself, but I greatly respect other's privacy.
This is food for my soul!! :):):)